‘Why am I always feeling that I am not good enough and a failure?’
‘I remember the time when I was 12 years old and feeling very anxious, not good enough and a failure. Dealing with those emotions, I rubbed my forehead with the neckline of my vest. The burning sensation soothed my anxiety and rewarded me with the escapism I needed, at that time.’
‘It was a form of self-harm that became a coping mechanism to deal with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, and the behaviour progressed over time.’
‘Today, when I feel anxious and negative about myself, I make a conscience effort to take control and stop these thoughts from spiralling, by implementing an alternative strategy with techniques I have learned and practiced over the years.’
Healthy coping mechanism
As a therapist, I often experience that diaphragmic deep breathing is an effective technique to use. It calms the mind and eliminates any negative thoughts people are experiencing, whilst giving them a sense of empowerment.
Place one hand on the stomach and the other on the chest. Breathe in from the diaphragm through the nostrils and feel the stomach rising, counting to 4 on each breath. Increase the exhalation out through the nostrils counting from 4 and increasing on each exhalation, usually up to 10.
This channels positive energy on the present process of counting the breaths which diverts attention from negative and intrusive anxious feelings.
Focus the mind and stay in the present moment.
‘For me, it works all the time.’
Positive self-talk and analysis
Recite the statement: anxiety is a healthy feeling experienced by everyone. This makes me feel connected as I am not alone.
Ask yourself: is it a negative memory from my past that has triggered the scenario?
Is it a negative narrative that has been lodged in my subconscious?
Am I making negative assumptions? Am I sabotaging the future?
Most importantly: do I have any evidence to suggest that what I am feeling and saying to myself is true?
Call to action
Keep a daily journal of thoughts and feelings and when/what the trigger is to establish a potential re-occurring pattern.
Affirm yourself when you make incremental changes. Trying leads to progress.
If it persist, and you are having very intrusive thoughts and physical reactions, you may need to explore the deeper underlying issues and possible trauma with a qualified psychotherapist who integrates Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with psychodynamic psychotherapy.
Saidat Khan Therapy 