It can be the most painful experience in a relationship. It damages trust, loyalty and emotional safety, thereby shattering the relationship’s foundation, causing betrayal trauma and leaving an emotional scar. Although some couples choose to stay together after infidelity, others decide the damage is too great to repair.
The survival of the relationship depends on several factors: the nature of the betrayal, both partners’ willingness to rebuild trust, the emotional maturity of the individuals involved, and the relationship’s prior health.
In situations like this, the catalyst for change becomes an important one.
This does not excuse cheating, but it suggests that infidelity may stem from personal weakness or habit rather than a complete absence of love.
A relationship may survive if the cheating partner fully accepts responsibility, shows consistent remorse, prioritises the partner’s needs, and receives support through individual and couples therapy.
If the unfaithful partner is associated with sex addiction or obsessive-compulsive sexual behaviours, the therapist may suggest that the unfaithful partner seek specialist individual therapy with an addiction specialist to address these behaviours, and that the betrayed partner seek therapy to process and make sense of the impact of the discovery. If both partners feel ready and wish to reconcile, couples therapy would follow.
Both parties will need to change the relationship dynamic from what it was before. They will produce and agree to a new relationship contract that includes openness, honesty, communication, emotional and physical intimacy, respect and connection with each other.
If the betrayed partner feels they need further answers about the betrayal, a therapeutic disclosure may be necessary. This is a process of full disclosure of the behaviour, following a structured approach to support the couple.
This event is intended to ‘clear the air’ so the couple can move forward in their relationship, draw a line under the damage caused, and pave the way for the new relationship they want and deserve.
Ultimately, the outcome will depend on whether the betrayed partner chooses to forgive.
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